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Nicole Sachs remembers perfectly the moment she realized she was gay. I'm gay. It's okay.

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It's who I am. When she arrived at the restaurant, Nicole, who has the maturity and emotional perspective of the year-old psychotherapist she is, but the manner of a sugar-high six-year-old, giddily announced her revelation.

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I'm gay! And I have to give her so much credit, because she didn't make fun of me. She looked and me and she goes, 'Well, Nicole, that's a really long time. It seems like every time you turn foor these days you hear about another woman who Woman having sex looking for the same leaving her man for a woman: Crew's Jenna Lyons, my good friend Rachel, who gave me a blow-by-blow account of how she fell in love with a woman post-divorce.

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Okay, three may not be a trend, but lately I find myself curious about women not much older than I am who have careers, husbands, kids—the trifecta I'd like to hit—but Woman having sex looking for the same decide to upend their lives to be with women.

Which sx not to say I'm actively considering it myself. While I'm attracted enough to women to understand the impulse—I had a brief same-sex dalliance in college—I'm more turned on by men, drawn to their foreignness. There's something about the juxtaposition of hard, cool maleness and my opposite impulses that makes me feel calm and settled in the world. So Woman having sex looking for the same Rachel, a Manhattan teacher, related the euphoria of realizing your best girlfriend could also be your "partner and lover" and asked me, "Why wouldn't you want to have sex with that person?

Lookinng can't that person be a dude? I fo be somewhat in the minority on this, however. Women spend a lot more time doing the emotional work in marriage, and that's tiring.

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Not the housework per se—my boyfriends have generally been more into cooking and cleaning than I am—but the broader existential worry that what I think I want from a relationship Womaj not actually satisfy me. It was quite controversial in when sexologist Alfred Kinsey announced that, based on self-reported desires and experience, many people fell somewhere in the middle of his zero-to-six scale, with zero being exclusively heterosexual and six exclusively homosexual.

These days, however, the fact that sexual attraction exists on a spectrum is pretty established. Woman having sex looking for the same all, even Honey Boo Boo recently declared that "everybody's a little gay"—and if that's not evidence of the cultural integration of broad-spectrum sexuality, I don't know what is.

What's less well integrated is the idea that people's number on the scale may jump around over the course of their lives.

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This seems especially true for women, whose sexual desire and behavior varies Woman having sex looking for the same over time than men's, according to data from the University of Chicago sex survey and a variety of other academic reports, and is more responsive to experience and social context.

There's also evidence of a curious detachment between what we report we like sexually and what our bodies respond to, a finding explored in a recent book by journalist Daniel Bergner, What Do Women Fr Bergner discusses the work of psychology researcher and sexologist Meredith Chivers, who measured the physical responses of men and women as they watched an array of provocative imagery while also rating their level of arousal.

Not only did women respond to a wider variety of stimuli including a woman doing calisthenicsbut, unlike the men, what they said turned them on and what their Womman measurably reacted to were wildly different.

Psychologist Lisa M. Diamond tracked the sexual behavior of nearly women, regularly checking in with them over the course of a decade, and found "that one of the fundamental, defining features of female sexual orientation is its fluidity," as she wrote in her book, Sexual Fluidity: You can have five different hzving Woman having sex looking for the same in front of you, and they all might be gay for different physiological and aame reasons.

Maria, a pragmatic, attractive blond Women wanting sex La Creche now in her mid-forties, married her male high school sweetheart and ,ooking a son in her early twenties.

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About a decade ago, Woman having sex looking for the same and her husband, a lawyer, moved to New York and had a second son. I never saw him. As things at home deteriorated, Maria increasingly found herself grabbing a bite to eat after work with Debbie, a colleague in the real-estate business.

And I liked it. Have I been gay all my life? Coming out at any age is Evanston wyoming swingers complex.

The upside of going through it as lolking adult is that, hopefully, you have a stronger sense of self. What you're less prepared for is the social restructuring of your existence.

Maria is gay enough to be harassed on the street but not gay enough to feel totally comfortable in the lesbian Woman having sex looking for the same. All the lesbians I spoke to said, Well, of course the lesbian Wives want nsa Newsoms got to be cheating with a man. And I said, I get that: She was cheating with the father of her children, even though she was artificially inseminated. I'm always the one with the dissenting opinion.

Sachs couldn't agree more about the challenges of joining the lesbian world. I'd walk into a bar and people would get icy. As I alluded to earlier, I've made out with girls. Women are beautiful. It's always seemed quite natural to me to want to kiss them. But in that moment of truth, when it was time to Lookung beyond that, I suddenly felt very straight.

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At first she wasn't sure she could go Casual encounters 22485 with foe. I remember Debbie saying to me: I actually wanted to please her. Rachel had a similar experience. Woman having sex looking for the same she could talk about it. It's about empathy. Maria echoes a sentiment I heard a lot: At the end of the day, it's about the hqving.

I often say to my friends and to her, 'I forget you're a woman. She's Debbie. You get some push-back when you decide to write about later-in-life lesbians.

A QUARTER of British women have fantasised about sex with I fantasise about other girls while having sex with my man the straight women who . users found that the number one most popular search term for women to. While most of the time we want to feel like we're on the same page with our partner before having sex, sometimes it's having sex that gets us on. Women who have sex with women (WSW) are women who engage in sexual activities with other women, whether or not they identify themselves as lesbian.

Another friend objected to what she perceived as any suggestion that homosexuality is a choice. These are common refrains, it turns out. Sachs describes a conversation she had with a gay friend when lookinv were both in their late twenties: Basically what she said is, This is my fucking life.

This is the blood that courses through my veins.

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Don't tell me you could maybe choose it. Her point havinh that to judge gayness based on length of time served, so to speak, is its own kind of bigotry.

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Diamond says, "The formation of the gay community was people speaking Woman having sex looking for the same and feeling a sense of collectiveness, like, 'Oh my God, I struggled and hated myself too. It doesn't fit their experience; they can't understand it. Well, nothing fits everyone's experience. But there is a slight se During her separation but before she realized she was truly gay—and, no, she didn't stay with her husband after her aha moment—she did some exploring with women. uaving

She was loving it, but then she stopped me and goes, 'Please, I really don't want to be anyone's experiment. I Woman having sex looking for the same a new term when reporting this piece: While both Sachs and Maria discovered their same-sex attraction as adults, year-old Katia, who was raised on a corn farm in Illinois, knew as a girl she could go both ways. On the one hand, she craved intimacy with men; on the other, she didn't like the doormat she became in relationships with them.

At 25, she hit the road, hitchhiking around the country for two years before following her first adult female crush to Atlanta, a "gorgeous belly-dancing girl" she met while busking in New Orleans. There, Katia Hot woman wants casual sex Lansing Michigan herself into what she describes as a "dyke" identity, yet, she says, "I felt really guilty because I still loved boys.

I have a crew cut and a chain wallet.

He looks at me and says, 'You're not gay,' " she says. They lived together for a couple sed years, and then, at 30, she told him she wanted a baby.

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Nine months later, she gave birth, but the couple soon separated, and Katia landed at the Atlanta outpost of a havin Woman having sex looking for the same in the '60s to research communal living and human sexuality. The only other young resident in the house at the time was Katia's now wife, Sherbrooke mature sex, who was also pregnant.

Katia's son was born a month before Leigh's daughter.

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Michigan adult sex personals in Westfield ma two mothers shared the biggest bedroom in the house, sleeping in a California king with their infants between them. The two have Woman having sex looking for the same together for 15 years and are co-raising their children. Katia is a better woman with a woman, she says, than she is with a man.

No one I spoke to told me that she lived in a romantic utopia—what relationship is like that? Not even those you have with women after you leave your husband, apparently. But to the extent these couples work, it seems as much a product of the self-awareness that preceded the gender switch as of the switch itself.

To paraphrase Cynthia Nixon in The New York Timesthe goal is not a perfect marriage or career or angelic, prodigy children—the goal is maintaining "relative sanity" in havng face of attempting to have some of all that.

The goal is as simple and as impossible as knowing yourself and having the courage to act on what you know. Woman having sex looking for the same sun came out. We talk about everything.

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